Pre-Daddy Blog: Lessons in Hormones and Crazy Town

Some words on pre-daddydom by Tate H.

Are you getting EXCITED!  This is the typical female greeting these days for all of the females in my life that are associates of my wife Hannah and our baby boy Steven due on May 31.  My response is the obligatory smile and YEAH! That goes along with these types of generally casual exchanges regarding a monumental change in life.  The fact is that there is a good deal more than excitement involved with the unknown mission that is to come.  Currently I have found a new appreciation for the absence and emptiness that will be soon be filled by a new person in my life.  Parents that have already embarked on this adventure often offer a good deal of variety in their accounts of these days and the fact that the hard part is yet to come is a truth they rarely spare.  As a man who operates in a very logical and methodical way I am optimistic and ultimately feeling strong that this kid will find a solid home to rest and grow.  The kid is not what I worry about.

Living with a pregnant woman in the last couple of months of the baby making process is something that is not taught in school or amongst peers in any useful way.  I have leaned on a couple of old dads that gave me some words of wisdom that have helped to carry me.  One thing that I have surrendered to is that Hannah is at this point doing the large majority of the work and bearing more of a burden than washing clothes, cleaning dishes and running errands could ever match.  With this approach, the simple rules of roommate etiquette are effectively awarded a pass for my wife while at the same time my efforts to comfort and clean are generally regarded as the bear minimum of my contribution.  The second item of wisdom is that my wife’s roller coaster emotions are not personal even though they may be directed at me.  In large part having a woman rely on me as their primary beacon of sanity can at times be overwhelming depending on my own emotional state.  Reframing this as an honor and sacred duty helps me to get through what would otherwise simply be a nightmare.  It is a relief to know that it is normal for a pregnant woman to go from cartoonish joy to rage in a period of an hour or so.  It is also a relief to invariably hear that I will get my more stable wife back after her body has allowed the baby to be born.

Making a phone call and venting my mental process to another vetted ‘dad’ makes all the difference and usually renews my approach.  It always improves on what I have come up with on my own.

So as of now Hannah and I are enjoying the last little stupid spoiling that a person without a drooling poop goblin can enjoy.  Dinner at Whole foods throwing the trash away and strolling out the door hands free into the Atlanta spring evening.  Spontaneous plans to go and have coffee with a friend and not have to schedule a sitter.  Staring at the wall and embracing the sheer boredom of the emptiness that I have for so long took for granted.  Looking forward to a person who will soon be more than a figment of my imagination.