Some words on pre-daddydom by Tate H.
Are you getting EXCITED!
This is the typical female greeting these days for all of the females in
my life that are associates of my wife Hannah and our baby boy Steven due on
May 31. My response is the obligatory smile
and YEAH! That goes along with these types of generally casual exchanges
regarding a monumental change in life.
The fact is that there is a good deal more than excitement involved with
the unknown mission that is to come.
Currently I have found a new appreciation for the absence and emptiness
that will be soon be filled by a new person in my life. Parents that have already embarked on this
adventure often offer a good deal of variety in their accounts of these days
and the fact that the hard part is yet to come is a truth they rarely
spare. As a man who operates in a very
logical and methodical way I am optimistic and ultimately feeling strong that
this kid will find a solid home to rest and grow. The kid is not what I worry about.
Living with a pregnant woman in the last couple of months of
the baby making process is something that is not taught in school or amongst
peers in any useful way. I have leaned
on a couple of old dads that gave me some words of wisdom that have helped to
carry me. One thing that I have
surrendered to is that Hannah is at this point doing the large majority of the
work and bearing more of a burden than washing clothes, cleaning dishes and
running errands could ever match. With
this approach, the simple rules of roommate etiquette are effectively awarded a
pass for my wife while at the same time my efforts to comfort and clean are
generally regarded as the bear minimum of my contribution. The second item of wisdom is that my wife’s
roller coaster emotions are not personal even though they may be directed at
me. In large part having a woman rely on
me as their primary beacon of sanity can at times be overwhelming depending on
my own emotional state. Reframing this
as an honor and sacred duty helps me to get through what would otherwise simply
be a nightmare. It is a relief to know
that it is normal for a pregnant woman to go from cartoonish joy to rage in a
period of an hour or so. It is also a
relief to invariably hear that I will get my more stable wife back after her
body has allowed the baby to be born.
Making a phone call and venting my mental process to another
vetted ‘dad’ makes all the difference and usually renews my approach. It always improves on what I have come up
with on my own.
So as of now Hannah and I are enjoying the last little
stupid spoiling that a person without a drooling poop goblin can enjoy. Dinner at Whole foods throwing the trash away
and strolling out the door hands free into the Atlanta spring evening. Spontaneous plans to go and have coffee with
a friend and not have to schedule a sitter.
Staring at the wall and embracing the sheer boredom of the emptiness
that I have for so long took for granted.
Looking forward to a person who will soon be more than a figment of my
imagination.
I love you and your anticipated excitement blended equally with a fear of the unknown with the arrival of Steven. It will definitely be a disruption to your perfectly planned schedules but oh what an adorable and delightful disruption. Can't wait to see you as a Daddy. You will be so fantastic...Hannah...jury still out. Lol, jk.
ReplyDelete