I realize that having a kid will probably be harder than the
making of one; in that, raising a kid will be an 18-year thing (if not longer)
and the making of one takes nine months. I also realize that after I pop the
kid out my life will drastically change- there will be another human thing
crying at me all the time and it will probably kinda suck at communication
seeing all it can do is yell at me when he’s uncomfortable…
But please, for the love of all things holy, do not
invalidate my pregnancy pain, crazy or changes by saying it is only going to
get worse. That does not help me, it’s rude and it makes me want to punch you
in the face a little. Are you confused? Let me give you a couple of examples:
When complaining to a colleague the other day about my
inability to get comfortable in bed and therefore not get much sleep they
replied, “you think it’s bad now, wait until you have that kid!” …. Long pause
of silence while I look at the person with hateful eyes then ensues. Another
example: once I was talking about how I just wanted to go home and have some
alone time with my husband and the response was “better get all that in now
because it’s gonna be impossible once you have that baby.” …. Again, long pause
ensues while I secretly want to hit them in face. Then there was that one time
when walking into a room I hear the words, “Oh man, you have put on some weight!”
Let me tell you guys something- making a kid is hard. When
you’ve never done it before it is full of a lot of uncertainty and fear and
wondering if what you felt and feel is normal or crazy or if you’re already
killing a kid that hasn’t even made it out yet. I have NO idea what I’m doing.
In fact, I’ve lost two kids in utero before this one so the fear of doing this
whole “pregnancy thing” wrong is pretty real for me.
I’ve never been so tired in my life. My boobs are changing
and I’m hormonal. SO hormonal in fact that last week my husband held me while I
sobbed and told me I was still pretty and people did actually like me. I
haven’t had this much emotional crazy since pre-medication days and that is
scary. SCARY. Sometimes, the need for a milkshake has been so overwhelming that
I sobbed on the way home after denying myself one. It is intense. So instead of
telling me that its only going to get worse, for god sake, just tell me it’s
okay to feel this way and tell me I’m doing a good job.
It’s so easy in our lack of communal culture to resist empathy
and separate ourselves by reminding those that hurt that “it could always be
worse.” That mentality is not helpful- at least it isn’t for me. It lacks
empathy and it’s the easy way out. I implore the audience at large to remain
present through the discomfort and blubbering of weird pregnancy symptoms and
validate the current feelings of fear and pain and weirdness. Encourage the
pregnant, the sick or those just having a bad day and create a community, even
if in passing, that is based in empathy and compassion instead of separation
and annoying comparisons. Kthanksbye.
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